I'm OK, You're OK

I'm OK, You're OK is also known as win/win and is the ideal position between 2 adults - a concept from 'Transactional Analysis'. But is it possible to obtain this position in all our relationships?

I'm sure our children feel that the position is always 'I'm not OK, You're OK'. I remember from about the age of 12 wishing and hoping to be the adult in charge of my own life and that would make everything OK. Of course it didn't and being an adult I often wish I had spent more of my childhood enjoying being a child because in fact my family and teachers spent a lot of their time and energy making sure I was OK.

Part of the problem with these positions is that we are always the leading players in our own drama with a script of our own creation so just think a moment are you the lead in everyone elses plays? Of course not they are the leads so just imagine for a moment all these leading men and women acting in their own productions bumping up against each others agendas - this is where the conflict lies. On any given day I have my agenda and goals but everyone else has their own priorities.

So how do we reach the I'm OK, You're OK position when we all have our own potentially conflicting agendas? Well the first step is communication - if everyone shared their goals we would have at least some level of understanding and secondly take time to slip out of your leading role and imagine what it would be like to be a supporting player in someone elses play.

For more on Transactional Analysis read:
Games People Play by Eric Berne
Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner