Who are you?

Are you the job that you do? Plumber, Doctor, Manager, Gardener, Housewife

Are you the roles that you play? Mum, Dad, Daughter, Son, Friend

Are you the persona you adopt? Fun, confident, bubbly, easy to get along with

Are you the ego you project? Centre of attention, demanding, humble, defensive

In therapy the search is for the true self. Maslow and Jung both referred to a process of self - individuisation/actualisation as the true quest for the meaning of life. Would you like to look in the mirror and recognise the person that stares back at you?

Discover for Yourself

We can not teach people anything, we can only help people discover it for themselves. Galileo said this but it sums out the therapeutic process as much as it describes the teaching process. In therapy, coaching, mentoring and counselling all we can do is facilitate and provide a framework in which the client develops and finds their own solutions.

Self Help

Try this now - enter 'Self Help' into the search on Books on amazon.co.uk and you'll get......wait for it......102,920 results!

So if there are over 100,000 books that can help us surely we must have all the answers to all of lives problems? I'm not convinced. It feels to me that many of these self help books are a sticking plaster for one small cut but answers for life as a whole aren't going to come from the pages of a book.

You wouldn't want to start from here......

A very old joke goes like this....'an Englishman asks an Irishman for directions to Tiperary. The Irishman answers 'to be sure you wouldn't want to start from here''

Do you know where you are starting from on the next stage of life's journey? Sometimes you need to get to a better staging post before moving on any further.

I know I should but......

So you know all the things you SHOULD be doing!

You should be:

- making time for you
- breathing deeply when stressed
- meditating for 5 minutes a day
- not taking things too seriously
- asking for help and support
- eating healthily
- taking exercise
- spending time in nature

Easy isn't it? But what do you do instead:

- run around doing one chore after another
- drink coffee to stay awake and alert
- drink wine to relax at the end of the day
- eat quickly without much thought
- skip the gym to vegetate in front of the TV instead

What will make you switch from one set of behaviours to another?

The Workplace

Do you recognise any of these?

1. The Clich
or the 'in crowd'. Somehow they are the ones always gathered at someones desk or round the drinks machine sharing some juicy piece of news or gossip. As you walk past they look and go quiet. You are not quite sure if you might be the subject.

2. Toxic Humour
....'no offence'......'only joking'. If something is said to you with the previous comments apended, then can you truly take no offence or believe that the comment was in fact a joke - unfortunately one at your expense.

3. The Power Game
There's always a player who says one thing but their actions betray them. They are playing the power game looking to increase their status at the expense of others in the team. To your face they're your best friend, behind your back they are undermining you at every opportunity.

So with all these games being played around you, how can you possibly maintain your integrity and values and not stoop to the level of playground games?

Follow some basic rules:

- Only say what you would be happy to be played back to you

- Keep your own counsel, don't join the biggest playground gang for protection

- Play the integrity rather than the power game. The integrity game is a marathon not a sprint but you will achieve your goals in the end and with no one suffering as the result - especially yourself and your self esteem

Your Biggest Setback

Can you remember an occasion when you suffered a major setback? Was there a job or promotion you didn't get? A relationship that ended? A failure at school, college or university?

Think back to that time and then follow though the path your life has taken since that time. How did you feel at the time but how did you then bounce back and pick up the pieces? Think about all the lessons you learned and how you have applied them since or know you will apply them in the future.

Was it really a major setback? or just a fork in the road that sent you onto a new path.